TIME Is Your Child’s Love Language (Happy International Children’s Day!)

On June 1st, many countries around the world celebrate The International Children’s Day to honor children’s rights to safety, well-being and play.

At a macro-societal level, we keep failing the Children of the World, from creating digital addiction to wars, to over-medication, to mental health crises, to family trauma (still a taboo in many cultures).

At a micro-family unit level, there is A LOT we can do to honor our children every day, not just today. First, we need to remember that a child’s love language is TIME. Second, we need to learn to COLLECT our children.

Here’s a paragraph from one of my favorite parenting books, Hold On to Your Kids – Why  Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., and Gabor Mate, M.D.:

“At the very top of our agenda we must place the task of collecting our children – of drawing them under our wing, making them want to belong to us and with us. We can no longer assume, as parents in older days could, that a strong early bond between ourselves and our children will endure for as long as we need it. No matter how great our love or how well intentioned our parenting, under present circumstances we have less margin for error than parents ever had before. We  face too much competition. To compensate for the cultural chaos of our times, we need to make a habit of collecting our children daily and repeatedly until they are old enough to function as independent beings.”

Here are 5 ways to give your child the TIME they need from you to feel loved:

  • Lots of LISTENING without judgement, interruption or fixing the situation. Make your home a safe space for emotional downloads, so the brain can regain access to higher thinking abilities.
  • Lots of Child-Led PLAY.  Follow your child’s lead in play. Take the less powerful role. Let yourself be silly. Don’t make the rules. Don’t judge the rules. Just follow their lead and connect. Laugh a lot. No tickling!
  • Allow the crying, the complaining, and the whining without taking it personally. It’s not about you. It’s an emotional offload- much needed.
  • Focus on the long-term game of parenting: CONNECTION. Unless you’re facing a life and death situation, you must keep your child safe, pause before you yell, threaten, walk away, or dis-engage.
  • Stay consistent with routines and limits, but have flexibility of mind as needed. Routines create a sense of predictability, which creates safety and higher tolerance to uncertainty.

Please remember to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your children.

SPECIAL NOTE: I want to express my forever gratitude to my mentors from Hand In Hand Parenting, Patty Wipfler ( Founder & Certified Instructor) and Kirsten Nottleson ( Certified Instructor), and the entire Hand in Hand community of instructors and peers. The year of study for my certification with Hand in Hand Parenting changed my life forever. Thank you. ( Check for free parenting classes here)

REMINDER: Women’s Circles #2 will take place on June 8, at 10 AM EST on Zoom. Contact me via email, text or social media to get the link, if you want to join. For more info, read here.

Visited 7 times, 1 visit(s) today