Mom, Dad, Please Grow Up Before Me!

The great psychologist Carl Jung said:  

The biggest tragedy in the life of a child is the life that the parents have not lived.

In my work with parents, and couples, I get to see what this statement really means. Parents are well-intended, generally speaking, and act “in good faith” towards their children. Parents want “the best” for their kids; best schools, best zip code (aka, neighbourhood), best teachers, best athletic coaches, best scores on tests, best colleges, best doctors, best vacations, etc. Everything is BIG and BEST, at least in the USA, culturally, largely speaking.

So, parents are well-intended. However, that’s NOT what children really need, especially in the early stages of development, from zero to seven ( 0-7) and seven to  fourteen ( 7-14).

Children need:

  • at least one stable, safe and loving parent /caretaker who is capable of containing, coaching, and connecting, consistently;
  • parents who are emotionally mature (who can handle their own  triggers and emotions without lashing out, yelling, punishing, blaming, shaming or withholding love and affection);
  • parents who do not project their own unfulfilled dreams onto their kids;
  • parents who have solid adult- to – adult relationships for emotional offloading and validation; children who are forced to be “surrogate therapists” or sources of validation for the parent, will grow up with little or no self- worth, self-esteem, or sense of Self, and will fall into abusive, (re)victimizing relationships;
  • more play time than school time ;
  • more play time than screen time;
  • free, unstructured, unplanned play time;
  • parents who are patient;
  • parents who are playful;
  • rules, routines, and solid limits.

I know what you’re thinking if you’ve read this far: How in the world am I going to be this amazing parent, with everything that’s on my plate every single day? I hear you. I see you. We are all in the same boat. There ‘s no one size  fits all type of answer.

My recommendation is to ask yourself these questions today, so you don’t feel overwhelmed :

  • What is ONE area (in parenting) where I struggle the most, even if I don’t admit it to my kids?
  • What is ONE area (in life, in general) where I struggle the most today?
  • What  am I doing to change these two things? If nothing, why not? What is my resistance about?  
  • Who is in my corner? Who do I talk to when I need support? If it’s the same person and nothing changes, why am I not seeking a different kind of help?

Personal Honesty is the beginning of transformation. No change will fall from the sky, so to speak. We need to start somewhere, and it’s perfectly OK to start where you are today. Your kids will thank you 15-20 years from now.

Contact me to work together. I can help you with my combined tools from Parenting by Connection,
NeuroMindfulness and Compassionate Inquiry.
*************Read some of my favorite short testimonials from parents**************

Thank you for the lesson today. This course is so good, I am learning so much. I imagine everyone would want the same thing. I’ve never come across anything like this. (mom, USA)

The call today was a total breakthrough. Again, when I think I don’t have many things to discuss, you asked the key question that triggered it all. Thank you! (mom, UK)

Mihaela is that person you need to have in your life in terms of personal growth, self-parenting, and creating an authentic relationship with your kids. I truly respect her wisdom and approach. (mom, Romania)

This program is so powerful that I can say that for me there will always be a before Mihaela and after Mihaela in my relationship with my daughter, with myself and with everyone I love. In just 3 weeks I started experiencing results that were beyond my imagination. (mom, USA)

Thank you, Mihaela, for the program you put together and the constant support you give us in our struggles with our kids. They are an invaluable treasure. (mom, USA)

We’ve just done our first session and I can already feel this was the money best invested! Your program is going to be awesome for our family. Thank you! (mom, Guatemala)

I’m so inspired by your book. Thanks for writing this amazing manuscript for mothering in the toddlers years. This is not for the faint hearted and it’s so good to have tools like your book nowadays. (mom, USA, book review on Amazon)

This book, along with “Whole Brain Child,” made me realize how the human brain works from birth to 12. This book led me to the path of healing my inner child. Self awareness is key and I will raise my children to be safe, heard and authentic. Highly recommended. The tips can be used on any human at any age, especially when adults act like toddlers. (mom, USA, book review on Amazon)

I genuinely feel confident that after reading and mindfully applying the information in this book, I will be a better parent going forward. Highly recommend especially if you are a parent who struggles with frustration on your own end and knows it’s largely about you, not your child. You’ll find a lot of the language here is helpful for that. There was so much in the pages here – information and ideas and techniques that were refreshing, validating, and calming. It really did help me learn new ways to deconstruct my frustration and remind myself to recognize that, as parents, many times the issues we have with our kids’ behavior has more to do with our own expectations and internalized self-dialogue than it actually has to do with the behavior itself (except for more serious incidents, which the author also does really touch on). (mom, USA, book review on Amazon)

Every toddler mom needs this book, especially if you are trying to change the way you parent and just work on yourself in a great way to help your child. (mom, USA, book review on Amazon)

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