Recently, I was in a situation that prompted me to think about the old mighty concept of ‘Independence‘ in a culture (North American/ Western)  that rewards self- sufficiency, self-reliance, self-care, self-defense, self-actualization, self-improvement…The implicit message is that the individual, the person (the Self) is able, capable and expected to be self- dependent, or better said: INDEPENDENT.

I dare to say that no adult is truly independent. 

We all depend on other people emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially. Of course, this dependence is contextual, relational and age appropriate, but it’s there and it deserves to be acknowledged. Chasing after the illusionary independence leaves people depressed, isolated, anxious, lonely and confused, which, when chronic (long-term), leads to self- destructive behaviors like over-drinking, over-eating, over-working ( self-numbing). 

We are Interdependent Beings. 

• We rush babies to “be independent” because we believe it prepares them for life, but of course, it doesn’t. Tools like “sleep training” and “self- soothing” are tragic parenting mistakes, with dire developmental consequences. Think about it: if most adults can’t self- soothe unless they drink or use substances, how could a young child?! 
• Children between 0-12 are fully dependent on their parents, especially emotionally and psychologically. These are called “dependency needs” or “attachment needs”. All babies and children are entitled and deserve to have these needs met without any effort on their part. 
• The more we meet a child’s dependency/ attachment needs during these formative years, the better they will navigate life and relationships without falling into the extremes of illusionary independence or full dependence on someone else; instead form relationships that are interdependent. 

Fun exercise: do it this week: 

Take a pen and a notebook. Write down as many words as you can think of that start with the prefix Self. Keep this notebook open for 1 week as more words will come to you as days go by. Pick your favorite words (3-5) from the list and reflect on their meaning to you. Take the time to handwrite (not type). If you want, then send it to me and I will publish it anonymously. 

Read on my blog: 

• What Do Children (really) Need
• Start 2025 WISE with Mihaela
• What Is Peer Orientation and Why It Matters to Know

🧚🧚🧚 WOMEN’S CIRCLE FEEDBACK 🧚🧚🧚

” Very grateful for today’s circle. It helps me so much to stay grounded 
and feel supported and not alone.” 

” Thank you, Mihaela. It was wonderful.” 

” Thank you so much for what you’ve done for my family, and I’m sure many others. 
You are a blessing on this earth.”