Mental illness is not an individual problem; it is a systemic and societal problem, coming from 3 sources, as I see it.

SOURCE ONE: SINGLE FAMILY UNIT
In my coaching practice with parents, mental health is at the CORE of our work together, not because anyone in particular is “mentally ill”… but because the family unit in which the Child and the Mother exist, is, in most cases, dysfunctional and psychologically threatening. This is happening when parents are in a high-conflict relationship, either during the marriage or post -divorce as co-parents. As you can imagine, the Child inevitably pays the price of the dysfunction in mental disorders, i.e. behavioral challenges, severe emotional dysregulation, and arrested development.

SOURCE TWO: MULTI-GENERATIONAL TRAUMA
Needless to say, if parents knew better, they would do better. Family dysfunction doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and it doesn’t “appear” overnight. Parents who lack the vital parenting skills of warmth, presence, connection, listening, play, empathy, honesty and integrity are adults in pain, denial and self- defense mechanisms, also products of their own childhoods. Conscious parents do BREAK the cycle of multi-generational trauma because they do the work of healing, self-awareness and personal responsibility… However, most parents on the planet today are far from being conscious, hence most children will develop some kind of mental disorder.

SOURCE THREE: SOCIAL MEDIA AND SMARTPHONES
If you have children, I recommend that you read Jonathan Haidt’s work. He is a social psychologist at the New York University’s Stern School of Business. His latest book, The Anxious Generation, ignited a global movement against the usage of social media and smartphones before the age of 16. In his words:

“Adolescents are in a mental health crisis. Major depressive episodes among American teens have more than doubled since 2010 as their social lives moved onto smartphones loaded with social media apps. Self-harm and suicide rates are way up too. The only available explanation for why this happened in many countries at the same time is that the ancient “play-based childhood” was replaced by the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. Specifically, children and adolescents began to spend much more time on smartphones, social media, video games, and porn, and much less time doing healthy activities such as face-to-face interactions with friends and family, sleep, exercise, and reading books. ” (Jonathan Haidt, on his website)

To dive deeper into the research, read more here

Haidt proposes 4 STEPS parents can take ( and unite together ) in order to break this epidemic:

1. No smartphones before high school.
2. No social media before age 16.
3. Advocate for phone-free schools.
4. Give more independence, free play and responsibility in the real world.

There is no easy way out, and no easy answer to the increasing mental health crisis among children, teens and adults in 2025.
Parents are struggling in the absence of a support system. I believe we all have the power to make changes in our own families, starting with ourselves. If you are alone, you need to find your tribe; also, find a mentor, a coach or a therapist. Do not wait and hope for the best because that’s being irresponsible and naive. Our children deserve conscious parents, be it in becoming.

MUST READ, also on this topic:

• The Myth of Normal, book by Gabor Mate, MD
  
• Listen; Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges, book by Patty Wipfler & Tosha Schore
• Hold On to Your Kids, book by Gordon Neufeld, PhD & Gabor Mate, MD

“Hi Mihaela Plugarasu! Last week I finally had a meeting with my son’s new teacher. She couldn’t understand why I insisted on meeting her until she read my son’s file. She told me that when she met him for the first time this year, he was a completely normal boy, connected in class, totally integrated with his classmates, a fast writer, playing with everyone during the breaks, and even showing emotion if he was not included in some game. That’s the exact opposite of what I would get from school for at least the past 4 years. She said if she hadn’t read the file, she would have never imagined my son used to have all those symptoms and even medication. I explained what a difference it made to now have evidence that this was the result of narcissistic abuse and not ADHD or learning disabilities. I cannot thank you enough for showing me how to support my son all this time in our journey from hell into normal life.”