This is our third week of back-to-school here in the United States. If you watched my video from last week, you probably remember the three tips I shared about helping your child do well in school this year.

Today, I have a different kind of story to share—one that left me feeling genuinely optimistic. My message with this story is simple: I think humanity has a chance.

An Unexpected Question

Out of nowhere yesterday, a dad asked me a question. It wasn’t prepped. We didn’t know each other beforehand. It just happened in context.

He asked me: “What did you do in your parenting with your son that helped him grow up to be so respectful, mature, well-adjusted, and responsible?”

Why This Moment Matters

This is the first time this has happened to me in quite this way. More men and fathers usually don’t ask these types of questions. They’re too embarrassed. There’s too much stigma around asking for help—whether it’s about parenting, personal life, money, or career.

Many men carry this belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

But it’s actually the opposite. It’s a sign of strength. It’s a sign of grit.

No one on this planet makes deep, profound, transformational changes without asking someone: “Can you guide me in one direction? Can you give me one tip, one book, one resource?”

I was genuinely impressed. And that’s my message today.

A Message for Every Father

If you’re a man raising children—whether you’re happily married, divorced, or navigating a high-conflict co-parenting relationship even years post-separation—it doesn’t really matter.

What matters is:

• Your own mindset
• Your intention to show up with presence
• Your curiosity
• Your commitment to your own learning and education

This applies for however much time you have your child in your timeshare.

The Connection to Back-to-School Success

This message connects directly to my previous video. A child does well in school when the home environment is peaceful.

It’s not divorce itself that’s the issue in a child’s life. It’s the relationship between the two co-parents.

Even Married Couples Are Co-Parenting

Here’s something important: even if you’re married and living in the same household, you are still co-parenting.

This isn’t a stigmatized term. Every couple raising kids together is fundamentally co-parenting, because even the happiest couples won’t always agree on parenting decisions.

They have to:

• Talk about disagreements
• Take turns on who speaks up in certain situations
• Coordinate who’s dropping off, making dinner, taking the child to soccer, talking to the teacher

That’s co-parenting.

The Power of Consistency (Not Perfection)

Wherever you are in your parenting journey, if you’re a dad, this is for you.

Please understand: the way you show up in your child’s life consistently—not perfectly—is what matters.

What Consistency Looks Like

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency over time:

• If you promise to be there at a certain time, be there
• If you promise to show up for a game, show up
• If you cannot show up, say so honestly: “I cannot make it to the game today. I’m sorry, but I’ll be at the next one.”

Do not confuse your child about why you can or cannot do certain things. Be honest. Have integrity. Take responsibility for your actions.

Being Fully Present

When you show up and you’re in your child’s presence, be fully present:

• Put your phone away
• Put your work aside
• Pause the TV
• At least during the time your child is willing to spend with you

The “Taxi Driver” Complaint

Many parents—especially after their child turns 10 or 12—complain:

“My child doesn’t really want to talk to me. They don’t want to spend time with me. They want to be with their friends. I’m basically just a taxi driver, driving them from place to place.”

The Truth Behind This

While it’s true that as children grow older, they need us less and we have to give them more free range for independence and self-reliance—the attachment relationship with the parent always remains your child’s biological priority.

They may not say this explicitly, but it’s always true beneath the surface. They want to know you prioritize them. And then, they will prioritize you back.

Don’t Wait for Availability

Let’s not wait for our kids to “be available” for us. We are available for them first.

The earlier you start this practice—when your child is 2, 3, 4, or 5 years old—and the more consistent you are throughout ages zero to ten, the easier it becomes during pre-adolescence and adolescence.

Three Books Every Father Should Read

Going back to that dad who asked me the question—I’m deeply grateful he did. I recommended two books, thinking: if he never asks anyone this question again, if we never speak again, what are the two books I want him to have on his table as reference points?

The Recommendations

1. “Listen” by Patty Wipfler – Founder of Hand in Hand Parenting, where I completed my training as a certified Parenting by Connection instructor.

2. “Good Inside” by Dr. Becky Kennedy

3. And if he ever wants a third book, I told him he could read mine as well.

My Advice on These Books

Put them on your phone. They’re available on Audible. Buy them in paper form. Go back to these books over and over again until your child reaches the age of 15 or 16—and you’ll be in good shape.

His child, by the way, is just coming out of toddlerhood. This is perfect timing for him—and any dad at this stage—to become more knowledgeable about:

• Brain development
• Attachment theory
• Psychological safety
• Emotional containment
• Stay Listening
• Special Time
• Play Listening
• Playful parenting

A Message to Every Dad

You matter. A lot. You are needed.

You have to show up for your child consistently. Maybe not every day—if you’re in a timeshare arrangement, that’s okay. But when you do have time with your child:

• Prioritize that time
• Make it important
• Keep your word
• Show up on time
• Deliberately set aside other tasks

And if you live in the same household as the mother, the same principles apply—you take turns anyway. Consistency matters more than perfection.

Why This Matters for School Performance

Your child—boy or girl—will do better in school if their dad is around and consistent. If dad honors his word when he makes promises. If dads become more empathetic and inclined to understand brain development and emotional development in children.

Everything else unfolds naturally from there.

It’s not overly complicated. Once a child feels safe, they express their needs, and growth flows from that foundation.

A Note to Moms Too

If you’re a mom holding onto the belief that things need to be done “your way” (I know we moms sometimes think we know the right way)—it’s good for us to be a little flexible.

Let the dads handle some things. It will be okay.

The Core Message

Regardless of whether you’re still married or divorced and co-parenting, remember this:

Divorce is not the problem.

The health of the relationship between mom and dad is what dictates the child’s inner development—psychologically, emotionally, and academically.

My Wish for You

Have a great week. Have a great school year.

To all the dads reading this: please be involved. Show up. Be present.

Your child is watching, learning, and building their sense of self-worth based on whether you prioritize them.

You matter more than you know.

Have you found books or resources that transformed your approach to fatherhood or parenting? Share them in the comments—let’s build a resource library together for parents on this journey.

This article was transcribed from the original video content using AI. The video itself is original content created by Mihaela.